She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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