He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize