it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
