he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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