he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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