Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
