When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
