I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
