FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
