There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
