I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
