i barfeds in our rink
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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