Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
