I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
