The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize