Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
