dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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