Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
