Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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