you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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