Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
