Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
