ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
