Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize