I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
