oh god the rape fog is back!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
