My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
