i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
