You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
