At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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