I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will be naked everywhere
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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