Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
