Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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