My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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