If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
