Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
