i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
