i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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