You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
