Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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