all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
