I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
