i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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