Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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