Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
