come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck me I smell like cheese
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
