The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
