At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
