the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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