I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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