I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
