I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
