So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize