I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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