.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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