It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
