it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
