when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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