my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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