I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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