I'm really into asian looking animals
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
