And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
