Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
