I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
