Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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