Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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