We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
